Chicken and Fish and Veggies... Oh My!

I orginally wrote this post on Friday ( May 4th). I was in such "a mood"  as I like to say when I feel crappy. I have since picked up a more positive attitude... I will post how I'm feeling today in PART TWO!

So..here's to how I felt Friday:

I think I have made a mistake! A big, big MISTAKE!  I am growing weary!  I mentioned before that I have tried every type of weight loss program only to give up before I can reach my goal. I decided this time to try something new.  Quick Weight Loss is a great program HOWEVER, it’s SO RESTRICTIVE! I am limited to protein, protein bars, veggies, fruit, LIMITED starches, water, and sprite zero. I can’t have any seasonings that contain salt or sugar, making for bland boring food!  I can’t have any sweets or alcohol! Not that I’m a drunk or alcoholic, but I work in a school system with special needs children and special education teachers, and sometimes DANGIT you need a drink to chill out at the end of the day!

It’s almost impossible to eat out! I become one of those customers that make the waiter walk away and roll their eyes, because I had so many special requests!  I think I should’ve stuck with Weight Watchers, I shouldn’t have given up! I have started reading several blogs on people’s weight loss journeys and 9 out of 10 list weight watchers as their program of choice. These are women who have lost 100+ pounds! I just want to lose 40-45! I am really kicking myself right now! But I have paid my money and invested almost 2 weeks! So, I can’t quit! My mama help pay for it too, and I don’t want to waste her money! But I would give anything for a glass of wine or a bowl of spaghetti (with whole wheat pasta of course!) =)

I also just want to see my face NOT SO FAT, I want to wear clothes that my other 20 something friends wear, I want to feel sexy again, I want to wake up without pain in my shoulders, knees, and ankles! I want to someday have a baby (I refuse at this weight), I want a 1 in front of my weight.

I WANT, I WANT, I WANT; I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE!

I just don’t know how much more I can take of having to live my life so carefully and feeling overwhelmed when it’s time to eat, and deciding what to eat!  

I’m starting to feel like I’m a quitter! I can’t stick to anything. But, this is hard, with my lifestyle! I work late sometimes; I go out with my family and friends to restaurants! I want to celebrate holidays!

GOD, I MESSED UP! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!

And to top things off, we are going to Cancun in less than a month and again, I will be the BEACH WHALE! I wanted to look good at my friend’s wedding, I wanted to wear a cute bathing suit, feel confident jumping into the pool, and taking pictures at the beach! I can’t believe I let myself go. I can’t believe I let my weight jump up to OVER 200 pounds! I am so angry with myself right now! I’m also tired of people saying “you have such a pretty face”, “you have such a pretty smile”… blah blah.. I know that’s what they tell fat girls!

Today isn’t a good day. But I guess I need to find some happiness and strength from somewhere!

Wish I had a yellow brick road, ruby slippers, and a Wizard of Oz. I definitely wish to lose 45lbs by tomorrow!