I've decided that I should start the week with a song that will motivate me throughout the week.. This one jumped in my head this morning. And hubby said, " Court, just live your life" maybe 20 times this weekend..
The song, well the chorus, also pretty much sums up the last couple of days. I have been so stressed about making good choices; both weight and life related that I often have the instant urge to scream! I mean the bloodcurdling scary movie; make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck type screams! I never do it though, I’m sure it would give my husband a heart attack! He isn’t fond of sudden moves or noises. I can imagine the look of horror on his face, if I screamed every time I felt the need to!
****Pausing for a moment of laughter****
I have the tendency to get completely overwhelmed obsessed with making good decisions. I have this fear that every decision I make will have an avalanche effect that I won’t be able to dig myself out of. If there is a big decision or hell even a small one, you will find me obsessing over the pros and cons, weighing all the options and possible outcomes. I worry mostly about money and career decisions and more recently weight loss! I now have added to my list of worry, good food choices, what the scale is going to say, what the counselors at the weight loss center will say, how much it costs to buy healthier foods, going out to a party that has food, the list could go on and on…
I hate this! I so wish I wasn’t like this!
Honestly, it shouldn’t be this hard. After a MAJOR fit on Saturday night, a couple of conversations with my mom, cousin, and hubby, I’ve decided that I just have to live my life. I know that nothing is ever perfect or “just so”, even though I secretly wish it was. I have this internal burning desire to have a perfect little life, like people on TV or in the movies! But life isn’t a TV show! There aren’t any edit or rewind buttons. I can’t go back and change that I got lazy and gained weight. I can’t change the bad decisions I make or I should say the decisions that don’t have my expected outcome. All I can do is try to do better the next time, and not to make the same mistake twice.
My mom told me that I needed to let myself off the hook. I am a beautiful, healthy, and blessed girl and that I can and will lose weight and to pray for patience and determination. I guess she’s right. I know things could always be worse! I know I made a good decision, finally deciding to lose weight. I’m not sure if I decided the best method, but I have to live with it, make the best of it. I guess, I just need to let go... well maybe just a little!
Weight/ Goal Updates:
As of my last weigh in, I am 6.5lbs down. I hope to have lost 12 by the time we leave for Cancun!
GOAL 1: Workout 3 times a week.
- I worked out 4 times last week and 3 the week before!
GOAL 2: Stay on plan EVERYDAY! Keep up with my food journal. Lose 8 pounds by May 19th.
- Well this past weekend threw me off. I attended a cook-out and a bridal shower and ate off plan, therefore making me ashamed to keep up with my journal. HOWEVER, I look on target for the weight loss goal.
GOAL 3: This is probably the hardest one: Stay Positive! Remove negative comments and thoughts.
- Umm yeah.. Not so much.. Still working very hard on this one!
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